A foundation in Chiang Mai is rebuilding the lives of traumatised single mothers
When asked who the father of her baby is, Dao (not her real name), who is eight weeks pregnant, sadly named four men.
"It was a group," recalled Dao of those who gang-raped her while she was on her way to her boyfriend's place one night. "They were 16, 18, 19 and 20 years old. One of them was my boyfriend."
Dao later realised she was pregnant. As compensation, each of the rapists paid 5,000 baht to her family and then vanished. The only thing they left for the 14-year-old girl herself was a permanent scar in her heart as well as an unwanted baby in her belly.
Her family reacted severely to the news. "My dad and my sister poisoned me so that I miscarried. My brother was so angry that he wanted to kill me. I cried a lot after I knew I had become pregnant because I didn't want to have a baby."
The six-grader was forced to quit school and was sent to the Wildflower Home Foundation, a shelter for pregnant girls who have no idea how to handle their unplanned pregnancies and single mothers and females who are victims of domestic violence, sexual abuse or severe poverty.
According to Elizabeth Lachoswky Thaibinh, director of the foundation, Wildflower Home was first founded in September 2005 under the sponsorship of Dr Richard Haugland who aimed to set up a school for disadvantaged indigenous children. The original aim, Thaibinh recounted, was to provide a place for women to stay and to work for the school. Nonetheless, it later turned out that the needs of the female employees were greater than previously thought.
"The women needed education for their own welfare, and during this period of critical need, it was more important for the women to be attending to their own children than to the students of the school. And because the majority of women came from rural, farming areas, many of them were uncomfortable in the city," Thaibinh explained.
Wildflower Home later purchased a new plot of land in Chiang Mai's Doi Saket district and decided to run itself separately from the school. The foundation was, therefore, officially established in June 2008.
Wildflower Home, the director went on, aims to provide not just a refuge for unwed mothers and abused women but also enable them to rebuild their lives on the back of their trauma.
"Our primary goal is to help single mothers through their crises by providing encouragement and training to help improve their chance of self-sustainability," the director remarked.
Ruengrong Pongpraipoom, assistant director of Wildflower Home, said that a key aim of the foundation is to instil in its women strength, confidence and independence. A mother of two, Ruengrong came to the foundation almost three years ago as a victim of domestic abuse. Once she was beaten by her husband so cruelly she had to be hospitalised.
"The worst thing was that my husband used violence against me in the presence of my children I was worried it would permanently bruise their hearts," she said.
Thus, to Ruengrong, strength, courage and self-reliance are weapons that could help her as well as other women fight for a better life, not just for themselves but also for their kids. And when women learn to become unafraid, they will have more confidence to look for job opportunities despite their traumatic experiences.
"The important thing is that we women must remain strong no matter what we have been through. We cannot lose hope. We have to heal the wounds in our hearts as fast as we can. We must keep in mind that we have to be tough and fight for a better future," said Ruengrong.
Apart from providing a sanctuary for unwed mothers and their children, according to the assistant director, Wildflower Home also offers educational and emotional support. Mothers who stay here also receive vocational training to ready them for steady employment when they leave.
"Besides counselling and personal empowerment, the foundation also offers Thai and English lessons and computer classes provided by Thai and foreign volunteers. Our volunteers also conduct different activities to ensure that the mothers and children feel they are at home. There is also a nursery with volunteers to take care of children whose mothers have to work or attend to matters elsewhere," noted Ruengrong.
To promote health awareness, nurses and health care volunteers are on had at the foundation to provide the women with knowledge on a wide variety of topics such as birth control, sexually transmitted diseases, maintaining physical and mental well-being and so forth. These topics are taught on a regular basis.
Mai (not her real name) met her Swedish boyfriend during Songkran last year. They spent a night together before her teenage lover took off. They communicated with each other via letters. After Mai got pregnant, she received an unfortunate letter from the man she loved suggesting that she get an abortion.
"I made a big mistake," said Mai, who is eighth-months pregnant. "I should not have let the relationship go that far. Now he has disappeared and I have started to feel hopeless [about the relationship]."
Mai actually has two little daughters, from different fathers but quite similar situations. In the past, the 26-year-old has perhaps fallen in love too easily and her one-night relationships and unprotected sex eventually led to something beyond her imagination.
"Now I'm happy again at Wildflower Home. After I give birth, I will find a job. I plan to have a better life with my children. I'll also open a bank account for them," said Mai in her enthusiastic voice while touching her big belly as if she was speaking to her baby.
The shelter is home to around 10 women and 13 kids. Under the foundation's roof, they all are offered a better quality of life - everyone has three meals a day and one bedroom is shared by two persons. But once they decide to leave the foundation and live on their own, their lives will never be easy. This is because the majority of attending mothers are stateless, which is a significant obstacle in getting a job, living in society and gaining access to health care services.
"The issue of statelessness is hugely difficult and complex," Thaibinh commented. "If a woman has a chance of getting Thai documents, we make every effort to help her do so. This opens to her so many opportunities that are otherwise closed. We have also had some stateless women interviewed by lawyers to be able to present their case to the UNHCR [United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees] to see if they can obtain refugee status. We are also fortunate to be able to tap into resources offered by Thai government hospitals to get medical care for some of our stateless women as well as education for their children."
In terms of legal support, the foundation is starting a partnership with a local group of law students who also have access to the law clinic at Chiang Mai University. "We hope this may open legal doors for our women. The opportunity to have Chiang Mai University's law students at Wildflower Home gives the women some basic knowledge about their rights and other legal assistance," added the director.
As victims of sexual abuse, out-of-wedlock pregnancy and domestic violence, Dao, Mai and Ruengrong have already learned their lessons. Dao hopes she could go back to live with her family and continue her education while Mai will find a job and set up a family with her kids. Ruengrong, on the other hand, plans to live at the foundation to continue taking care of other troubled women. When it comes to sexual and domestic violence, she only wishes that women will become more courageous and that society will become more accepting of victimised women.
"I used to feel scared that I was not going to be able to survive if I ran away from my abusive husband. That was why I stayed with him for seven years despite being beaten up. So in a time of crisis, I think women should remain strong and independent because, after all, nobody is going to help us if we do not help ourselves. Women are not weak. Whether to have a better life or not, the choice is in their hands."
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