In Remembrance: Ramesh Bachani

For My Late Dear Friend “Ramesh Bachani”

It is with great sorrow and a deep sense of loss that I write this to all that knew or may have been touched by my dear and kind friend “Ramesh Bachani” of his sudden and premature passing during the early evening of Saturday the 5th of December.

A man with such a large heart for others, struck down by the very thing that he would so willingly give to others - how could that very same heart betray him so.

He leaves behind a wife, son and daughter and a countless number of friends who knew him best as ‘Mamma’ - an endearing Indian term reflecting his kindness and affection that he was held too.

Whilst I only knew him for a brief moment of his life his passing has left a great emptiness and loss in mine.

I feel cheated, I feel robbed, I feel anger that he was taken so suddenly. I feel ashamed not to have been with him at that moment, when he surely needed a friend by his side.

I write this in the deepest respect for a man who was taken before his time but more so to help purge myself of the guilt in not having spent more time with him… I shall miss the evenings watching the almost endless runs of Indian Soaps, that he loved to watch, I shall miss our Sunday luncheons followed by the Indian movie matinee… I shall miss the many pool games that I would win ( a pool shark he was not), I shall miss our many Indian meals together, his incessant need to cook and feed his friends, I shall miss his friendship dearly, his smothering attentions and his perpetual need to help others.

As selfish as it sounds, ‘Yes’ I miss him dearly, already.

I knew him to have many friends and yet, I always sensed a degree of loneliness and a desperate longing for companionship.

When first I met Ramesh he would tell me that everyone knew him in Bangkok. Initially, I put it down to some boastful talk but in short time, it was clearly evident that this was not talk but fact, wherever we went, a walk down a Soi, to a hotel, a nightclub, a shopping centre or venue every Owner, Manager, Waitress and individual within knew Khun Ramesh….. each showering him with a genuine smile, respect and warmth in seeing him again… I learned very quickly that whilst he would embellish a story or two, his reputation certainly was not exaggerated and wherever we went it preceded him! I was duly impressed and humbled by the man - as everyone he met he showed equal respect to.

The man had two mobile phones, he had so many friends that one phone and one conversation at a time was never sufficient. No matter what time of day or what he was involved in, a phone would ring and he would respond… whatever was needed, he would be there for that person. No Client, No friend went un-answered.

What ever you needed he was there to help… someone needed a Job… ask Mamma, You wanted to buy something, ask Mamma as for certain he could get it for you at a discount; you needed a contact, ask Mamma he knew everyone. Feeling under the weather, ask Mamma.

How quick he was to come up with a home made remedy to heal whatever ailed you… a remedy from the past - from his grandmother, for aches and pains, migraines and hangovers – My hangovers not his!

He came into my life and for such a brief time touched it with his presence, but leaving an indelible and tangible result.. he come into my life at a time of turbulence, and un-certainty… having only just relocated to Thailand, without family. His council in all things was conservative and from the benefit of years… more readily known as wisdom. Without it, I would have most certainly lost myself in the mire that is Bangkok.

At times he was not just a friend but also a Father figure to me, dolling out advice and caution in all things Thai… but he was never over bearing, never arrogant in his opinions. Head strong and determined to let you know how he felt, a resounding ‘Yes’ – most definitely, as you could not get a word in edgewise… but it was never for the purpose of belittling you or to pound you into consensus, it came from a genuine wish to make sure you did not make a mistake…. Maybe this came from personal experience, many a time I sensed that he had befallen the same situation and he did not want me to make the same mistakes…During these times it was hard to tell so, as whilst he was open and generous with his advice he was equally guarded and protective of his persona.

He was a Husband, a Father, a Companion, a Comedian, a Healer, a Lion, a Friend and a Hero…. He may not have had the ability to Fly, but fly he did when called to help others. He may not have saved a person from a burning building, but he saved many a person from life’s perilous twists of fate and ruin.… no greater hero ever existed, than that of my dear friend ‘Ramesh’.

Many owe him a debt of gratitude – I amongst them.

He was rarely given to anger, on those occasions that it arose it stemmed from others mistaking his generous nature and willingness to render a hand of friendship as suspicious or having ulterior motives…. So far from the truth was such… these rare occasions would inflict so much pain, that he in these times would reflect such outwardly but with greater inward pain… but no sooner was this deflected as he would be asked for help by another… how readily he would jump to your aid…when only earlier he had been so wounded.

As a man he had his faults, to that I have no doubt of but as my Friend I never saw any nor suffered under them.

To those enemies that he may have made during his life… I seriously doubt he had any, for I never met a man more hungry to help and befriend others than my dear friend ‘Ramesh’… but to those who may have had reason from time to time to think badly of him, I regret your loss more so, as you never had the opportunity to enjoy his company fully and to bear witness to his kind and generous nature.

A joker and storyteller he was, never a malicious joke or story, but he enjoyed being the comedian in the group.

Knowing him as I did, it was inevitable that I would hear some of his more favourite jokes, over and over again… The man was quick with a joke and most of the time his delivery was good, but he could never manage an Italian accent when recounting his most favourite of all jokes – the one about the Italian staying in a hotel in America! Nor could he keep the story straight, from one telling to the other. No matter how many times I heard him tell the same joke, I was already laughing at his attempts in portraying an Italian accent with a generous swath of Indian overlaying it!

The man loved his wife, that I knew for certain for when he regularly spoke of her he would pause in reflection and quietly say that this women had never done him any wrong, had raised his children and had done so mainly on her own. In return, I knew him as a honourable husband who cherished his marriage.

To his Son and daughter, no man could have been more proud. He spoke of his son and daughters achievements with such relish that at times I felt that he was living his life vicariously through them! But how can that be so from the magnitude of the distance that separated them… it was through the love that he had for them, for no man could be so separated from them by distance yet still be so deeply tied to their daily lives. Of those times that I knew him to have issue with some small family matter, he would approach it from every natural angle that a loving father would do… for their better interest!

I write this once again out of respect and loss for my friend, what right do I have to do so – I have none. What purpose do I do so – To put down in words what I cannot express to his wife, son and daughter directly in person. For whilst I knew him, I feel like an unknown outsider during their time of mourning and greater loss.

I may never get the chance to tell them what I knew of him, what he shared with me about the love and admiration he had for his stoically brave wife, brilliantly smart son (more handsome than his father) and both intelligently gifted and beautiful daughter… these are not my words but that from the man himself.

‘Ramesh’ my dear friend, as a man I am proud to have shared a moment in your life and as a man I shed many a tear at your passing… to you my dear friend may you now rest in peace knowing that you are dearly missed by all of those whose lives you touched, aided, sheltered, fed and befriended.

Gone but never forgotten… my friend “Ramesh Bachani”

Your humbled friend, Benito Miranda Sierra