A new profile of the bar girl scene invents and exacerbates more myths and stereotypes than it dispels
Written by a Finnish mother-daughter journalist duo, Thailand _ Men's Paradise? asks a question many who live in Bangkok have pondered: Why do so many Western men fall madly in love with their Thai bar-girl ''girlfriends'', to the extent that they shower them with gifts, marry them and buy a house for their family?
It is an odd dynamic of lonely male and opportunistic female, one that has come to symbolise Thailand for many in the West, and thus it is a question worth pondering and a topic worth exploring in a book. Unfortunately, this isn't that book, as the investigation is poorly done and purely anecdotal, without fact-checking, sourcing or even proof reading; it is riddled with typos, untruths and outrageous generalisations that if taken literally by a first-time traveller to Thailand would imply general impunity to engage in lecherous behaviour demeaning to Thai women everywhere.
Despite patronisingly referring to all Thai women, regardless of age, as ''Thai girls'', the book begins innocuously enough, by pointing out that most women who work as bar girls provide a service for money, and are not forced into the industry.
The money made by supplying sex is their own, thus it is purely a financial decision for most, whose alternatives include working as maids or in factories. For women from poor rural backgrounds, with little access to higher education, salary and thus material goods, selling their charm and beauty becomes a shortcut to money and status.
And it is relatively lucrative, as many Western men fall head over heels for the women's charms and try to buy them out of their jobs. The authors go to the extent of wondering if the fault for this lies with Western women: ''Could it be that we Western women have lost our ability to communicate with the opposite sex, and is it in fact us who are driving our men to our Asian sisters?''
Whatever the reason, it is true that Thailand has a large sex industry in general, and a very visible sex industry catering to male tourists, and it is true that this sex industry, particularly in the farang-patronised bars with bar girls, operates differently to that in the West, with more flirtation, emotional intimacy and even commitment.
The problem with Thailand _ Men's Paradise? is that the bar sex scene is judged through a handful of anecdotes, and is described in underlying tones of approval. For example: ''The bar life, I would learn, means hanging out with girlfriends, listening to music, having a choice of 'boyfriends', getting gifts, money and love letters ... and having sex with a variety of men.''
Sounds great! And the men seem to have it even better: ''... he had never walked hand in hand with a woman, so in love. He looked as if he was enlightened. His face was a happy man's face.'' And ''We always thought of that sweet-looking, happy man who had had to travel all the way to Thailand to get a hint of a woman's warmth and closeness.''
How sweet! Sounds like a match made in heaven _ in a dreamy world where extortion, STDs, sexual servitude, broken hearts and broken dreams don't exist.
And the book gets worse as it explores the roots of the prostitution industry by making some outrageous generalisations about Thai society in general. A few examples: ''In Thailand money is key in all interactions between all men and women ... there is no love without money.'' Even without the word ''all'' used twice, this would be a false, and offensive generalisation, the Nana Entertainment Plaza scene expanded to society at large.
''Even the nicest, most innocent girl doesn't date for free.'' Does this imply that to date any Thai woman a fee is required? Or conversely, that every woman can be bought?
''It's impossible for anyone to marry a Thai woman without paying dowry; the woman's family would lose face and it would be dishonourable and humiliating.'' There is a sin sot tradition in the country, but for friends and acquaintances of mine who married cross-culturally this was largely ceremonial, with the money returned to the couple after the wedding.
''The English teachers, however professional they seem, usually come to Thailand because of the Thai women, too.'' What about the teachers who are women? The university and international school teachers? All the English teachers I know would be outraged by such an insinuation.
''Thai women ... are never seen in miniskirts or even sleeveless tops.'' When was this book researched? 1950?
''
[Thai] men accept all the money they get, and don't regard that in any way as shameful.'' The context here is the Thai boyfriend of a bar girl who lives off his lover's foreign clients, broadened to society at large. Am I alone in considering this offensive?
And most damaging: ''Western men in Thailand know that all bars, however small and simple, have a 'bar fine'. This means that for a fee, you can ask out a waitress from any bar. The only places where bar fines don't apply are restaurants.''
This reminds me of an incident at a British-style pub off Sukhumvit Road. One Post colleague once half-inadvertently touched the rear of the Thai waitress. He received a furious 15-minute lecture on how inappropriate and disgusting a gesture that was. He was allowed to return to the bar in the future but had to do so apologetically, metaphorical tail between his legs. What would have happened had he offered to pay the ''bar fine'' and take her home? He might have left the pub in an ambulance.
The text is full of such offensive and inaccurate generalisations. That shop assistants at Robinson's department store, for example, are eager to date farang men. Probably there was some anecdotal evidence this once worked for someone at a Robinson's off Sukhumvit Road, but the authors through these generalisations increase the hassle factor everywhere.
Many Thai and resident foreign women of Asian descent complain about constant harassment in benign places such as coffee shops and department stores from sex tourists and other slimy or sordid individuals; books such as this one are partly to blame for these men's attitude of general impunity.
Worse still are the book's statistics, plucked from the air without sourcing and grossly inaccurate. Some gems: ''Up to 90% of Thai women who move abroad with a Western man return to Thailand and often to the same job.'' I can't imagine that someone, now fluent in another language and culture, older, possibly with children, would return to Robinson's, or be a sex worker, much less 90% of them. Or even that only 10% of cross-cultural relationships last.
''According to most estimates, 5-10% of Thai men are said to be kathoey.'' One out of every 10 or 20 men? In a country of 65 million people and a .98 male-to-female ratio this would mean 1.6 to 3.2 million kathoey in Thailand.
''The three most important things to know about living with Thais are gambling, Buddhism, royals and the different concept of time.'' Maybe gambling more would help my counting skills, but surely this is four things?
Isan is also largely depicted through stereotypes: ''Almost all of the young women from the villages travel to the South for work, and most of them participate in one way or another in commercial sex.'' And later: ''Nearly all young women from Isan leave to the South to look for work when they're old enough or when their marriage falls apart.''
Assuming that ''the South'' here refers to Bangkok and other big cities, this would leave the Northeast rather under-populated, wouldn't it? But the authors continue: ''Persuaded by skillful bar girls, Western men basically support the entire northeast.'' As far as I know, the region does have other industries, with the biggest sector being agriculture.
The book does raise a few issues worth discussing. That rather than demonising foreigners for taking advantage of a service that is freely available, it would make more sense to look into the roots of ''Thailand's age-old culture of prostitution''.
''What would be the real alternative?'' the authors wonder. ''The women would need a proper basic and professional education and meaningful job options with a pay that allows them to properly support themselves and their parents and families. The working conditions need to be bearable and the women need to have a chance to advance in their career according to their talent.''
This is a valid point; the rural poor are faced with too few options, unequal access to education and high-paying jobs, hampered by prejudice and low status, and until this inequality is addressed, prostitution will continue to be an appealing career choice.
Mostly, the Ardins' research is anecdotal, pulled from internet chat rooms and bar conversations at places like Nana and Pattaya. This is fine, except that the anecdotes are presumed to be universal. And these false generalisations do a disservice to the country and the name of journalism.
The book is poorly researched, proofed and edited, riddled with errors and outrageous claims, trying to assess a country it knows little about, and even the points worth noting and debating are lost in the general amateurism.
So is Thailand a foreign men's paradise? The country is warm and sunny, beautiful and cultural, welcoming and tolerant, and for the lonely, disaffected, ageing, marginalised and depressed men of Western countries, perhaps that is enough.
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